bondage-guide.net

Why do I choose BDSM?

Sat, 2 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

The urge to explore the whole range of sensations was always present in me though this was not always obvious fact for me. Actually I probably always sensed that you whole self is making you search for things which offer you not only a pure satisfaction but more like intensity of sensations. Besides, sex as just a way to steam off was initially uninteresting to me. Personally, there should be something above the physical stuff. Eventually I came to see BDSM as a whole vision of my inner urges melted with my sexual desires. Probably one of the most erotic arts, BDSM is giving me the opportunity not only to interact with a partner on a more intimate level but also to get to the awareness of my own potential and face my fears. As BDSM is not an abuse or a kind of violence, you require a real heck of trust and intimacy. The thing is that BDSM play makes you balance you on the edge, and sometimes borders on a fine line between things you can or can't tolerate. It's quite good that there are certain rules for BDSM and while you follow them you are sure to get maximum pleasure out of it. While you go through a certain tension and extremity during BDSM exploration you get in touch with yourself and then relieve is just great. You just go the whole way to the darkest side of yourself and search for that border you won't be able to cross any more. The overall thought of experiencing pleasure through negative sensations is pretty thrilling in itself. But you never know it for sure until you try it. It's all or nothing after all.

I've come to realize...

Tue, 5 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

I began to realize the nature of those subtle feelings through my relationships. It always seemed to me that simple and so-called "natural" way of relating with the lover didn't give me the intensity I strived for. Unattainable and prohibited made me just alive. Pain and suffering seemed to put everything in order. In fact it was difficult to find the right partner to understand what I really wanted and finding the one who was initially a "master type" was rather an intuitive choice. Cold and hard-hearted, who will resist and rule was giving me a comfort I needed. It was like a great revelation to me and I couldn't help but deny those thoughts, until I learned to accept them as they are. Though, I generally consider myself submissive, switching parts is also rather appealing but not to such a degree as the desire to obey. Those were very mixed feelings of pain and urge to submit and sense it like a real pleasure. And it sensed like natural to have both of the emotions poles entwined. When you realize and accept those feelings it is much better for me as it gives some certainty and your relationships become more set within the limits of mutual consent. It's very important to me as abuse or violation is surely not an aim. When you know it's actually a game and in the end the parts will leave the scene and everyone will know that both will be safe.

A word for SSC

Thu, 7 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

Those who practice BDSM are aware of the major Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) motto. Most from the outside of the BDSM realms will have an opportunity to dispel some myths on the whole philosophy of this culture. For clearing out those realms I would state those key rules of BDSM: 1. Safe is usually referred as a principle where both parties agree on safety basics. This means that basically BDSM activity should wear no risk to health. Well, the risk of course is inevitable and either sub or dom is aware of the possible consequences, but what you both realize is that you both are to take the responsibility. I personally think that in any case you should realize that if you are not going to try something harder and dangerous you should stop and tell it to your partner beforehand, and if you opt for risk than just make sure you've taken more serious precautions. 2. Sane goes as the rule for being in sober mind during a play. Yes, this really excludes the "perverts" stuff-a perception that many people from the outside have for BDSM activity. In fact, I never try to go for the stuff if I am exhausted or somehow under control and never let a domme - if he really flies of the handle to get involved with me. 3. Consensual means both agree on the rules of the play and do it on a mutual consent. You would ask:" What if I ask my domme to take my life will it be consensual?" I would not accept this as a consensual because of the number 1 rule (safe). Anyway, in all the variety of the BDSM activity the risk is almost always present and no real force should be really applied then. Of course it's quite hard to anticipate whether you are able to withstand the reality but you always agree on a safe word. After all, the decision to enter this thrilling world should be ultimately very sound and informed decision.

Who is a submissive?

Fri, 8 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

Though there are different visions on what is called submission and I don't mean to reinvent that's why I will try to make it clear for you and me what I get from submission. Some people ask how do you distinguish the person is sub or just a vanilla? If you search for lover and agrees to submit to that particular person he is vanilla. When he searches for submission in the first place, with or without love he is basically a sub. I often hear that desire to be a dom is easier to understand than actually a sub one. The thing is that most think that sub is either weak or inferior or silly and passive person. Neither of them is true actually. Though the inner urge to submit is present in me, I don't transmit those feelings on other aspects of my life. At least no one unfamiliar with BDSM stuff had told me something that would imply any submissive behavior. There is also a common misbelieve that a sub should have miserable time spent with his dom. Again, that's not a pain or suffering I am forced to take, it's my true desire and somewhat enjoyable sensations that I get from submission. Physical submission is not a primary and ultimate goal for me. I can well do without the act itself, cause the pleasure comes somewhere from the brain or heart. Just the anticipation, the thrill is running the excitation. Submission is not a life sentence I've chosen once and for all. Sometimes I feel like switching the parts and D's is quite ok with me.

Fetish as a part of BDSM play

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

If we talk about the special beauty of BDSM scenery, fetishism would certainly play a major part for me. Taking aside the philosophical part of the BDSM culture, fetishism would be an outward aesthetic, a special form of art expression. Some would say they are not somehow connected with fetishism or they never had this type of interest, but I wouldn't believe in it. I guess most people are fetishists in one or another way but are not aware of it. A husband who will find his wife dressed in leather body wear and black stockings is unlikely to tell her: "You are dirty fetishist!" Otherwise, I rather expect the hottest night he could hardly imagine. Besides, the definition of norm has always been quite vague. There are a lot of forms of fetishism that are hardly realized as the fetishism itself. For example, how many people find lover's hair color so attractive as to bring them to the highest state of arousal before the intercourse itself? I think that most would just have to admit they have that "something"- be it her knee, or a transparent pantie that stirs passion in their blood. Though I can admit a true fetishism as a special interest to an object or part of the body most often stays aside from the person itself, still all the same connected with the image of the particular person. As for one of my fetishes, I find body dressed in leather an undeniable number one. The Domme's leather outfit is such a delight to touch, to smell and look. When you walk your fingers through the smoothness and special softness of this incredible material and suck in a distinctive crispy and rich smell of it all your senses seem to revive and urge for submission. I just can't resist but lick it in order to feel leather as a part of me. I feel the strong connection as though some part of my beloved one always stays with me. This obscure presence of him keeps the feelings sharpened. And what about your fetish?

A perfect Dom

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0400

In BDSM play every part is distributed quite precisely. A Sub has his or her Dom and one cannot exist without the other. And the basic urge for everyone who takes place in the session is the desire to find a perfect match. And just the fact that I am, for instance, a sub doesn't necessarily imply I am ready to submit just to anyone in any circumstances. What a real sub wants is to give in to a person of power, the one who possesses something you want to surrender and rest responsibility on. No one is going to submit for nothing. And even if your basic instinct is to yield the power you search for the person who is first of all the one who will have the game run according to the rules and watch over the safety. What I call a perfect Dom? The one who can both capable of compassion and austerity, full of self-importance but not pompous and probably the primary and the most significant � reliable! With all the risks involved in the play a Dom is first of all a person of great and unquestionable trust. That's why any BDSM activity was always a highly intimate thing. The sole feeling of being able to go to the heart of your potential and open up to yourself things you do not dare to do in your daily life is thrilling in itself. The Dom here acts as figure to uncover all your inner urges and give you the desired release. Of course, you like to fall to your knees and to be punished but you don't get the pleasure if you feel that Dom hasn't got enough power to rule and to lead. What I need from a perfect Dom? I need my Dom to control me over the exciting journey, to create a place where I feel secure, where I feel myself a part of someone else. He leads me to range along the fringe and gives me the bitter-sweet revelation of myself.

Switching the parts

Fri, 6 Oct 2006 00:00:00 +0400

I've come to conclusion that power exchange is a necessary rather than a desirable thing during bondage play. Of course we have some predispositions towards being Dom or Sub but in order to know the other side better we need to be in his or her shoes. In bondage play we usually choose to be a Sub or a Dom but it definitely shouldn't restrict us from getting to know what other part feels. In fact there is nothing unnatural in switching from Dom to Sub or otherwise. What I've learned is that we have complex individuality where our darkest self can be found side by side with our purity, where you may well control and be controlled, hurt and to let the other one hurt you. Will you call a Dom strong or Sub weak? Actually, it's quite controversial. Isn't a Master dominated by his own needs? And who leads the play anyway? Isn't the sub the one who sets the limits and gives a Dom the possibility to fulfill his own urges? The one thing you need when shifting the roles is to get in touch with your own self. The transformation is easy when you realize that you have this potential to do so. In fact, dominance and submission are different sides of the same coin. I can be evil and good, merciful and cruel �all you have to do is to let the your other side out. When you give in to another person you are strong enough to let him control you and probably weak to rest responsibility on. I think switching parts benefit both partners as they give to top a better vision of bottom experience. Once top experienced how it feels to be submissive he can be more skilled at controlling, especially when it comes to the edge play, when more advanced techniques are necessary. And although you may basically realize your place in a BDSM session, you cannot say it for sure unless you practice it.

Safe Blood Play

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 00:00:00 +0400

As you know among BDSM practices there are many "bloody" ones, such as abrasion, scratching, temporarily or permanent piercing, cutting and bloodletting. Blood is dangerous. It simultaneously arouses and frightens. Bloody practices require a great deal of trust, care and mutual understanding between the partners. And of course they must bring no harm. I address to those who wish to introduce bloody practices in their BDSM activities. You know that contact with blood might be fright with many troubles, beginning with minor infections and ending with the most dangerous and incurable disease, that is AIDS. Beside this blood play is accompanied with risk of injuries or psychological traumas. Therefore you should necessarily take into account some certain measures in order to make your blood play absolutely safe. Here am going to give you some tips. BDSM Blood Play Safety Measures 1.Make sure the place your session takes part in is well lit 2.Seat or put down the submissive comfortably. This is up to you to decide whether to restrain him or not. Perhaps you should in order to prevent the submissive from moving. 3.Make sure your hands are absolutely clean 4.But on both hands surgical gloves. 5.If your submissive is sweaty or dirty for some reason than wash the part of his body where you are going to make a cut with antibacterial soap 6. Then with a cotton ball put 7. Pour a little disinfectant (for example with betadine) on a cotton ball and clean with it the area you are going to concentrate on. 8. Then use alcohol go over the same area 9.Your submissive is quite likely to be nervous during the session. Remind him of necessity to breath. Deep breathing helps to concentrate on something else but fear or even to help him attain sub-space like state. 10.Your submissive is very likely to be afraid of what is going to happen. Make all possible efforts to comfort the partner. Assure him or her you are going to be very careful and loving. 11.Be sure not to allow droplets not to get on carpets and furniture. If this happens use some antiseptic solutions to clean the spots. 12.Perhaps there is no necessity to mention that no bladder or other tool should be used on another person without being disinfected?

What is sub-space?

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 00:00:00 +0400

It's not so easy to answer this question. Try to ask it twenty submissives and most likely you will get twenty completely different answers. Everyone has her or his own sub-space. There are some similarities in this state's description, but still they are too much different. I would like to present to your attention a few answers from submissives I was speaking to. I hope these descriptions will through light on this phenomenon and will help those who dream of it. "When I am in sub-space all my feelings are escalated. I am not quite "here", I am somewhere "there". When I am in sub-space, do not ask me to take rational decisions, I can't. I want to be where I am, I want to remain in this world created by my Master. The state of sub-space does not always come to me while sex play. Sometimes I deepen in it when hearing the voice of my Master or seeing his gesture�To see him when being in sub-space is like looking through drops of water - precise image in the center and blurred image around it. "Being in sub-space I feel like electrified, like every inch of my body shines. I feel like falling from heaven. Everything around me is foggy. I do not quite understand who I am. I feel no fear, I am only excited by my falling. When in the end I "land", I go on knowing that this was not frightening. I know my Master is here, and that he will catch me. I feel like I am an entire whole with my Master." "Sub-space for me is like another world. This is so deep commitment which makes me completely concentrated on my Master: on his desires, needs, caprices and on how I should fulfill them. This is being aware of your complete belonging to this person. You feel you exist only for him. There are no words to describe this state properly - just try describe red color to a blind. You can find some words, but one who has never experienced what you have will never understand what you are speaking about." "For me this is a warm and soft feeling. I feel helpless and very woman-like. I feel a very strong desire. I can hardly open my eyes, my voice becomes very quiet, my gestures become weak. I love and remember every second of being in sub-space. I want to remember every wonderful moment of my being in sub-space, and recollect all these moments again and again." I hope these descriptions will help you get to understand better what sub-space is. I thank everyone who agreed to answer my questions.