Many people from and outside BDSM community question the necessity of sexual intercourse during the session. Indeed, where is a place of sex in BDSM and is it essential for such sort of relationships?
First of all, if we talk about BDSM sessions, sexual arousal is almost always present in any BDSM play. A sub derives pleasure from being tortured while dom feels gratification from being the one in power. However, most of the BDSM players will say that sex is not the purpose but rather a variation to one of the numerous plays.
Of course, there are such things as orgasm denial, when the main focus is made at tease and denial, and not at the sexual release if it happens. Sexual arousal occurs in the course of the session and this intensity is often much more powerful than sexual act. A sub who urges to be mentally humiliated is turned on by the fact that he is verbally abused and that happens without actual touch. Basically, the core of BDSM relationships is not sex itself but a sort of pleasure that is obtained through the interaction of both sub and dom.
Very often it is also a case when a sub wants a dom to use him during sexual act. A dom can be very directive and aggressive in this situation, often making sex a forced act (when it actually what sub wants most of all).Anal sex, orders, and use of sex toys on a sub are elements that make up a scene and are pleasant while they give their participants what they want, be it a pain, a feeling of submission or domination.
A dom may also choose to end the play with sexual intercourse. It may mean the natural outcome or some reward for the sub. If you ask most of the BDSMers about the importance of sexual intercourse in their relationships they are more likely to say that sex itself is not so important as the intensity that such relationships brings. Those who live in this lifestyle are pretty much satisfied without sexual release. Sexual arousal though is experienced as more intense and powerful.
A dom can choose whether to involve the element of sexual act or not. He may torture the sub by denying orgasm or by making him watch as dom satisfies himself.
