What is the most important thing in true BDSM relationships? One can say the scenery plays a major role, others will probably say it's the good knowledge of the partner's roles, some may even suggest it's the use of right BDSM toys that rules the play. With all of these, one thing can be said for sure, there are no effective and successful relationships within BDSM relationships without good communication skills.



What do you get from effective communication?



It's the effective communication that distinguishes successful relationships from just a rough talk without any goal. What every communication act is basically aimed at is a result where both parties get what they expected from the very beginning and may be more. So what are the benefits of good communication?



• It gives you the opportunity to make a connection in BDSM relationship deeper and stronger



• You get the notion of what the other part, either submissive or dominant particularly wants



• It builds that special bond built on trust and mutual respect



What is a good communication in BDSM relationships?



Good communication is what we learn throughout our life and what quite difficult task is for those who are not willing to cooperate. It's a mistaken idea that BDSM relationships are about beating, torturing, punishment and all the stuff. This outward vision often hides something more important, which is in any way a basis for any relationships. However not every talk can be called good or effective one even in terms of one scene. Good communication includes:



1. Work on trust



The first things about building D/S relationship that are going to last is to have faith in each other. It can take you a while before you feel the other side can be trusted. In fact with the time trust is becoming stronger in the long run, unless you make an effort to ruin it. If you try to keep things secret it can be ok for some situations, but when you just don't reveal your true intentions and feelings – it's another pair of shoes. It's clearer when you say it directly about your likes and dislikes, your thoughts and intentions. That's how a trust is built on and that's the communication which makes the relationships work for their purpose.



2. Make it clear and precise



A lot of disputes and misunderstanding have their roots in the communication which was not clear or precise. A steady flow of vague words are making conversation incomprehensible. If you have something to say just do it in a direct manner. Try to get to the core of the matter and make precise orders or give more comprehensive answers.



There is no good in unexpected things as BDSM scenery is supposed to be consensual. That's why such things may hold a great risk for both. The parties should be aware of the possible consequences and that is how specifying details carefully and precisely is of great importance in BDSM play.



3. Learn to listen



Give your partner time to talk out until he has said everything. Interrupting the other part half way shows your disrespect for him. It is sometimes hard to put your deep emotions into words that's why listening carefully means you are calmly listening the partner and make a pause before giving any answer.



4. Give a feedback



It is also important not only to listen but to give a feedback to the one you talk. Since all of us have our own perceptions and put different meanings into words, clarifying what has been said is useful to find a common ground. In order to really understand whether you got it right, it's useful to say it over again to your partner. It is better to make things clear right away and don't put off till the misunderstandings will accumulate and your communication will turn into claims.



5. Keep your emotions under control



Never consider BDSM play if you feel you are loosing control of your emotions. Being angry, stressed or frustrated has no good for successful communication especially where the risk takes its place. This is especially true for Dominant as he is the one to rule the game.